It’s been a long cold rainy day and I had a really good sleep this afternoon. So here I am now, scrolling and reading and scrolling and well, uhmm…ahh, I visited the blog of Enciso sisters and I read one entry from Vern. It’s all about a letter to her 31 year old self and I got inspired to do the same. So, here’s my letter to the 30 year old me.
Hi Berns, shocks! You’re a 30 year old now, so how’s life? It’s been freaking 10 years ago when everything felt so wrong, when you really don’t know where to go, when you feel like going down and when you feel that in this battle called LIFE, you’re all alone. How did everything went? I hope you’re a successful woman now. You’re working for your dream job, you already have your dream car and house for your family (talking about Mama and Papa) and a dream house and car for your OWN family. I hope you’re already over in the “WHAT IF” stage, over with regrets and hoping that you survived the TORSCHLUSSPANIK stage of your life.
Maybe now you’ve already had your MBA or your 2nd degree or maybe even 3rd. By this time, you’ve already traveled the world, remember? You promised that you are going for a European tour cause you really wanted to see Eiffel Tower and visit Rome. Maybe you are now writing for a renowned magazine; travel and lifestyle in particular. Or you’ve already written your own book like those writers you used to admire before.
30 years! Funny it is, but as you always say before, by the age of 28 you’re already married. So now that you are on your thirties, I bet you are waking up everyday with an awesome man beside you, the man you’ve always have on your mind 10 years ago. Hope he’s not the man like your father…he is much much better than your Papa. And may I ask you? Did you still remember the Kramer kids? They were the kids you wished you’re going to have in the future. So now, I hope by this time you already have your Kendra and Scarlett (Gavin to follow, haha.). I just wish you are not as fat as you imagined after giving birth so that your husband will always fall in love with you every second, minute and hour of everyday. (Going corny now, haha.) You really hate to do the laundry cause you don’t have an iron hand like Mama, iron clothes cause you hate standing for an hour or two just gliding the iron itself. But there’s one thing you really want to do and you said you’ll never get tired on doing when you already have your own family…and that’s cooking. I hope today, you can cook yummy dishes like Mama always did before. I know you will raise your children the way your parents did or you can be better than them. You are now going on a Sunday mass with your own family and having lunch outside after or picnic. You’re a cool Mom now. :)
As you always promise, your future family will not go through what your family had been before. Never forget your humble beginnings and where you came from, I know you are happy today for everything that you have…happy and contented for everything that you achieved. Whatever you have today is God’s reward for everything that you’ve been through. Never stop believing, always wear your invisible crown and head up high.
Your 20 year old self.
Dearest LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT,
Hi, I know you’re doing great today. Greater than you were before. Me? I’m fine, I think I’m doing good. Everything that are happening in our lives are going according to His plan but you know what? One thing is not going fine, it didn’t…4 years ago, it still does not today. Alam mo ba kung ano yun? 4 years ago, I fell for you and after that everything stayed, stays and will stay the same.
Bullshit, it is. I wonder kung anong meron ka? Paulit-ulit kong tinatanong sa sarili ko kung bakit ang hirap mong kalimutan. Pero paulit-ulit-ulit-ulit din sinasagot ng puso at isip ko…simple lang, dahil ikaw yung ideal guy ko. Siguro nga ikaw na yung naka set sa isip ko na ideal man for me pero di umaayon tadhana. Madamot no? Alam mo ba, pag nag-aadvise ako sa ibang tao, palagi kong sinasabi "Wag kang matakot sabihin ang nararamdaman mo. You only live once. Sayang ang chance." pero nakakatawa kase ganun ako magbigay ng payo pero mismong sarili ko di ko kayang gawin yung mga pinagsasabi ko.
Ikaw kasi yung kahit paulit-ulit kong nakikita, the same pa din yung feelings ko. Everytime I see you, it’s always like love at first sight. Nakakainis lang. Sana mag multiply ka, sana may isa pang kagaya mo. At nang dahil sayo, naniniwala ako na may another lifetime. And in another life, I will be your girl. Sana nababasa mo to ngayon. Sana alam mo lahat, kasi ang hirap hirap na lahat ng to sa ganitong paraan ko lang nasasabi. Sana matapang ako noon, eh di sana baka kahit yung ma-friendzone na feel ko kaya lang hindi eh. Before, I was BERNADETTE THE GREAT…the great in hiding feelings.
But this I promise, in another lifetime hahanapin kita. (haha) baka doon matapang na ko magsalita, or baka pareho na tayo ng maramdaman sa isa’t-isa. Pero sa ngayon, happily never after muna. </3
In another lifetime